The Paradigm Shift

07/22/2020 02:19:20 AM

Hey there. What's up? 

It's been a very long ride. And for the first time in so many years, I am writing another 'wee hour' thoughts.

Over the past few months, I'm slowly falling out of all the passions I had in life.  It's not an easy confession to make, considering how blogging made me reach some of the stars and be part of various fields and work. And with the pandemic happening and hampering everyone's consciousness, I wonder if I would be able to get away alive and kicking. Seriously.

My fandom for wrestling reached its lowest point in 2019. I couldn't even muster my opinion on several shows. Probably, the consolation for me is that I'd still check out some news about WWE, AEW, some other leagues around the globe, and the country's two promotions in MWF and PWR. 

My love for the music scene was affected, too.  I rarely go to music gigs, especially since my favorite band disbanded. Or maybe I still hang around sometimes but depending on the place and its atmosphere. As much as the production staff side of me enjoys seeing a sold-out show, I don't dig that kind as a fan. I'm better off to 'langaw' gigs.

Now, both blogging and writing have been gravely on the peril, too. Forget that I scored a part-time job last year. The pay may be quite respectable, but I had been on burnout several times. Plus, I admit that as a blogger, I didn't feel I had gotten the breaks I wanted – all despite doing this for already a full decade. Do I have a problem with myself about that? I don't know. Sometimes, I just want to end things from there. Maybe, my time is up. But that would probably happen if I could get a job. 

After all, I had my eyes set for the year, but a big Earth-sized shit just hit our world (fuck you, COVID-19) and screwed everyone's plans. 

I've been trying to get this off from my chest for years. It's a struggle when you're fighting a lot of personal demons. You can't superkick everyone from the get-go. Not even a chokeslam or a straight-up uppercut.  

Of course, when the lockdown initially started, I had my fair share of anxiety attacks and sleepless nights (as in you would end up dozing off by around 6 or 7 in the morning). Eventually, as the weeks went by, I adapt and make adjustments. Hey, we can't stay anxious for too long, especially with all that's happening around the surroundings if you know what I mean. If writing can't be that outlet unlike those times in the past decade, maybe something else will – aside from watching comedy shows and listening to music.

And it looks like that outlet is now turning out to be a podcast. It reminds me of my old ambition – and at the same time, frustrations – as a radio DJ. When I failed my audition for a student DJ program, I already resigned myself from the possibility that being a host or speaker isn't really for me. Will that dream happen come my next lifetime? I can't tell until technology came along.

As the world goes modern day after day since the last 20th century, it's amazing how our lives have undergone a rapid and radical transformation from analog to digital. Moreover, how anyone can achieve a lot and be a modern-day version of a renaissance man.  

Podcasts had been a thing since the early 2010s. Some personalities would gather their peers and friends, talk about some unusual backstage stories, and made a show out of it. Hell, some radio stations would archive their shows (minus music) and put their recordings up on the internet for everyone's listening pleasure – be it FOMO or just wanting to rekindle a good time.

In 2015, there's a small pet project called "Randomness by Default." It revolves around me and some of my friends from the blogging scene, hanging out on Saturday night and just talking about anything random.

Eventually, after the shrink in numbers, exhaustion takes a toll on me from preparations to post-production work, and I got bummed out of it a few months later. I realized that when the quartet had gone down to a soloist, I couldn't do it alone, and I was having a tough time in my old job. 

Four years later, I attended two separate press conferences of two different bands (they were Orange & Lemons, and Ben&Ben, to be exact). The thought of me reviving an old passion project crossed my mind immediately. Why's that so? Maybe it's because of all the fascinating stories and good times that took place during the said times.  I didn't realize I could talk to people despite some speech impediments and problems with my word usage. I could converse or interview people.   

And with people taking this quarantine time to better themselves – a lot turned out to be cooks, bakers, businessmen, and even hosts – I wonder to myself: maybe it's now time to pull myself up and join the bandwagon. I mean, more podcasts showed up during this stretch pf the lockdown. Hey, since we only get to live our life to the fullest even in some despair and desperate times, might as well do something about it, right? 

Alas, enter These Drunken Midnights into the equation. It's like picturing myself again to my old heydays as a gig-goer where I would hang around with some friends by the wee hours – specifically after the event – and talk about anything and everything. 

Initially, I planned to just talk to my friends in various fields (music, blogging, and wrestling), and put up episodes all at once (well, five to be exact). That's it. But there was a roadblock once I hit post-production time. And it took me weeks to get over my bad case of 'analysis-paralysis.' I have to accept the fact that I couldn't perfect my show no matter how I wanted to. Improve? Precisely, it is. But perfection? I doubt.

Maybe I'll be happy to create the best possible conversation in my ears.

Will the podcast be the next regular thing for me? I hope so, but we'll never know since I already reached my goal (Hey, I already got past the tunnel twice since the show had 10 episodes by now). But first-phase visions aside, I have yet to make a pitch and see if my statistics would back me up. And how would the numbers help me? If people would've been supportive like the way they used to say a few months ago. 

But I'm too worried to think of that. Let's just do a show, shall we? 

(Listen to These Drunken Midnights on Mixcloud, Anchor, Spotify, and other podcast platforms. The new episodes will air almost every Wednesday at 12:00 AM. Follow the podcast by logging in to any of the links of TDM.)

Author: slickmaster | © 2020 The SlickMaster's Files